


Fractured Fairytale

by Zerrat



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Behind the Scenes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, Infidelity, Love Triangles, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 18:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/pseuds/Zerrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just on impulse that Snow had found himself kissing Lightning that night on the Lindblum. Despite their determination and love for Serah, neither of them can fully put that one disastrous mistake behind them as they fight to defeat their Focus. Non-compliant with FFXIII-2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Airship, the Whisky and the Mistake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lescafenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lescafenix/gifts).



> Prompt: _I am a huge Snow/Lightning shipper, so I would love any kind of story that explores a romantic relationship between them. You can explore a guilt-ridden, confusing attraction/affair that has developed around Snow's relationship with Serah, something that has come to fruition while Serah is crystallized or something after a future break-up with Serah. I'd prefer not to have the relationship with Serah completely discarded--it's part of who Snow is. I just think his sexual tension with Lightning is far more compelling, and a relationship between them would be far more complex than his relationship with Serah. Sex and smut are welcome, angst is wonderful. I haven't finished XIII-2, so if you need to include details from that game, feel free if it would help, but try not to be too spoilery._
> 
> This beastly fic was beta'd by the illustrious [Eva_cybele](http://archiveofourown.org/users/eva_cybele), who kindly took the time to look the fic over and point out where I'd fudged things up. Also, a shout-out to [Accidental_Overlord](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Accidental_Overlord) who picked me up when I thought I was stuck and kept cheering until the end.

It all came together – or, to Lightning's more cynical perspective, it had all _fallen apart_ – that night they'd stayed on the _Lindblum._ It had been just after the fiasco that went down in Palumpolum, and they'd both been a little high on adrenaline and victory. They'd managed to elude the latest of PSICOM's deathtraps and in celebration Rygdea had broken out Raines' finest whisky in the Cavalry's mess hall. 

Hope had left the room quickly, mumbling something about age restrictions and headaches, while Fang had just scoffed and left them to their devices. Lightning had watched her leave, frowning. Even after having spent the entire afternoon with the woman, Lightning could be damned if she could get a good read on her. Lightning had considered leaving, too, as she rarely drank and it was _whisky_ for Eden's sake – but she remembered her silent promise to both Serah and Snow. She had promised to try harder with Snow, hadn't she? 

Snow had grinned widely at her as she'd taken her place opposite him. In the end it had been just Snow, Rygdea and herself, and the three dented metal mugs clanked together. 

"For Serah," Snow insisted before they all drank, and his smile only grew brighter. 

Lightning felt a small smile curl the corners of her mouth. "Unless you have another woman on the brain," she said with a raised eyebrow, and her deadpan remark was rewarded with a deep belly laugh. 

"Not a chance, Sis." Snow tipped his head back and downed the whole mug of Cid's whisky in a huge swallow, leading Lightning to idly question the safe drinking habits of Team NORA. Rygdea snickered loudly to himself before mimicking Snow's actions. He let out a gusty sigh and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he slammed the empty mug back onto the table. 

"I tell you guys – Raines has all the best alcohol. Officers, right Farron?" Rygdea elbowed her in the ribs and ignored the scowl Lightning sent in his direction. He and Snow seemed to be waiting on something, and Lightning looked doubtfully down at the mug. She sniffed it, and wrinkled her nose at the fumes. From the smell and judging by the sudden brightness in Rygdea's eyes and the flush in Snow's cheeks, the stuff was strong.

"I suppose." The alcohol burned on the way down, but hazy warmth began to slowly spread through her body as she set her mug back on the table. 

They talked about the mission for the next day, some daring plan to break right into PSICOM's base of operations, stick it to the Primarch and get the other l'Cie – Sazh and Vanille – back on their side. Maybe, at some level, she was doing this out of the good of her heart. At another? She just wanted to raise some hell right under Jihl Nabaat's nose, and when she mentioned as much, Snow and Rygdea had laughed and filled her glass again.

Somehow, they moved on to more sobering topics. The Purge, Team NORA's disastrous counter-operation, the fact that Snow had let Hope's mother slip through his fingers and that he hadn't seen his friends – his family, she corrected herself – since before the ordeal with Anima. Snow didn't let the conversation linger on his troubles, though, and before long he was telling her about his time in Palumpolum, and his boldly-embellished exploits while he was with Hope.

Lightning remembered his foolhardy actions back with PSICOM at Hope's home, and she held up her hand to halt the constant stream of chatter. 

"You are going to get yourself killed one of these days. And don't roll your eyes at me, you know exactly what I'm talking about," Lightning told him, watching as he slouched back in his chair with a rather fake-looking pout. 

"Does it ever suck, being the fun police?" He fiddled with his mug, and the look he shot her was entirely too innocent. 

"Fun police?" Lightning scoffed. "Please. What are you, twelve?"

A short while later, she and Snow had made their way to one of the _Lindblum's_ spare social rooms. Lightning vaguely remembered that Rygdea had excused himself, drawling something or other about a page from Raines. It had been a quick job to shove the tables and chairs against the wall – Snow had made a crack about taking everything that wasn't nailed down, and it must have been the whisky because Lightning had laughed. 

Lightning wasn't even sure how she'd managed to lecture Snow into coming with her, because the man could be as stubborn as all hell even at the best of times. Even about something like is fighting stance, or as she'd come to learn, _especially_ about his fighting stance. 

"I know how to fight," Snow told her, winking before slamming his fist into his open palm and cracking his knuckles. 

"Spare me the theatrics, Snow." Lightning crossed her arms, looking at him critically. A pleasant buzz still filled her head, and it was just enough to put her at ease but not enough to dull her edge or her judgement. 

"We're l'Cie." He shrugged easily, as if it explained everything. Lightning continued to look at him, silently prompting him to continue. "Theatrics is part of the game."

Lightning sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose. "It's hardly a game. The stakes are real."

"I know."

Lightning paused, glancing over to him again for a long moment. His blue eyes were serious, and she wondered then if she'd misread him all along. Perhaps he'd been playing at heroics until Palumpolum. Perhaps he'd come to his senses before. It didn't change her stance on his technique. 

"Alright. _You know._ The way you fight is ridiculous, though."

Snow tilted his head, nodding along as if he'd heard it all before. "I'm self-taught."

"I can tell." Her tart response made Snow grin, and he fiddled briefly with his battered old gloves and cracked his knuckles one more time for good measure. Lightning raised an eyebrow. 

"So, Sis. You know all this stuff." Snow waved a hand vaguely to encompass the word 'stuff', and his smile widened. His blue eyes met hers squarely, openly challenging and he made a beckoning gesture. "Gonna put your money where your mouth is?" 

"I intend to," Lightning scoffed, but she felt no ire – only a mild sort of amusement – at his rather bone-headed challenge. Snow came at her with a lunge, his arm sweeping out wide in a haymaker. 

Snow was vastly off-balance, uncontrolled and had no idea of what he was doing. It was over in just one rapid movement as Lightning grabbed his wildly-flung punch and used his momentum to throw him over her hip. He landed in a crash of limbs and coat, gasping for air as the wind was knocked from his lungs. Lightning smirked down at him, expecting bluster for sure, perhaps some line about tiredness and old injuries to salvage whatever remained of his pride. Snow groaned as he pushed himself to his feet, but was otherwise quiet. His eyes were thoughtful as he assumed his battle-ready stance, even if he still looked a little winded from the throw. Lightning rested her hand on her hip, and she had to admit she was a little surprised. 

"Try that again," Snow told her, and he swung at her more slowly this time, his strike a little more controlled and deliberate. It didn't help his case, and instead of throwing him over her hip, Lightning spun him around and into a lock that twisted the joints at his wrist, elbow and shoulder almost to breaking point. She was careful, though, and released her hold on him the moment she felt him flinch and cry out. 

"What the hell was that?" Snow asked, shedding his frayed old trench coat and tossing it into an unseemly heap in the corner. Lightning felt her lips quirk into an almost-smile, and she quickly explained the mechanics of the lock, why she'd chosen it, and how to break it. 

Snow was determined, Lightning had to give him that as he crashed to the ground yet again. The throws and failed punches became endless, and for all Lightning knew they could have been locked in the room for hours. Snow, somehow, was improving rapidly. It was as if every time she set Snow on his ass, it was like she'd also served him a personal challenge for him to beat. For all his seriousness, though, he was also laughing. His smile was quick and genuine, and no matter how many bruises she was giving him or how easily she humiliated him, his eyes were warm and free of spite or bitterness. 

Lightning idly thought, in spite of herself, that maybe she could see a little of what was meant to be so attractive about him. Eden, in the time since they'd started to spar, his stupid jokes had made her laugh yet again, and she didn't think she'd smiled this much in months. It was probably the whisky, lowering her defences and making her quicker to smile at his jokes.

Serah seemed so far away from Lightning's thoughts as she offered Snow a hand to haul him to his feet. His smile was far too pretty to suit a common street thug – Lightning took a sharp intake of breath, a little surprised at the thought. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him back away a couple of steps. Was he blushing?

Lightning's critical eye noted that his stance was sloppy and off-balance again in their next exchange of blows, and the way he was swinging his fist might end with the bones in his shoulder shattering – provided he ever came up against something harder than his head. She moved quickly to correct his stance again, wondering what had made him forget all the progress they'd made during their spar. 

The skin of his arms were warm and surprisingly soft under her fingertips as she corrected the bend in his arm, and she suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. 

"Keep swinging like you were and you'll hurt yourself," Lightning told him, and she felt him nod and try the new angle of the strike again.

"Wouldn't be the first time, though," Snow replied, and his voice sounded a little off-key. He didn't sound as self-assured as normal, and Lightning wondered if he was nervous. A cold thrill set off somewhere between Lightning's shoulder blades and travelled down, fast. 

It seemed almost inappropriate to bring up Serah, how Snow needed to stay safe for her sake, not when Lightning felt so tense and unsettled. 

Lightning pushed herself away from him quickly, and assumed her stance. Her eyes followed the line of Snow's jaw, the flush of exertion in his cheeks and it was all-together distracting. Lightning shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, just for a moment, and suddenly she was on the ground looking up at him. Her lips quirked into a smile – it was a picture-perfect imitation of the throw she'd tried on him just before. 

It was probably just the way the wind had been knocked from her lungs, but suddenly she found it very hard to breathe. Snow grinned down at her, wordlessly offering her a helping hand. Lightning thought of the mission tomorrow, one that would take them right into the heart of the PSICOM operations. They should be sleeping. They shouldn't be doing this, whatever _this_ really was. 

Lightning accepted his hand, letting him help her to her feet. Snow was still grinning like an idiot, and Lightning snorted softly to herself, but her gaze lingered a little too long on his smile, his arms and his chest. 

"Again," Lightning ordered him, and that time when he tried to repeat the same throw, Lightning reversed Snow's grip with a twist and went to knock him straight onto his ass. Somehow, he managed to keep a hold of her. Lightning was too close and tangled to break her fall, and they crashed to the floor in a heap of limbs. Lightning rolled off him with a curse, gingerly touching where her brow had painfully impacted with his jaw. 

Snow? Snow was laughing his ass off over the whole thing, in spite of the growing red welt on his chin and the sheer indignity of the whole fiasco. Lightning watched him silently for a moment, considering, and then smiled. She supposed it was good to laugh at herself once in a while, and she supposed that with Snow around, she could count on him to succeed at reminding her every time. She laughed a little, and then it grew. 

At first she was laughing because of the fall, then because he was. In the end, she wasn't sure why she was laughing, but it felt good so why stop? As Snow stumbled to his feet, wrapping Lightning in an impulsive hug, she had no idea of what bone-headed impulse seized her. Maybe spending so much time with Snow had infected her with his brand of brash stupidity. Maybe it was the whisky, the adrenaline, or even the laughter. 

Lightning reached up, grabbed a fistful of his collar and dragged him down into a kiss. It was hot and demanding, and it was enough for any idiot to realise that it was no accident that it had happened. Even before the kiss was over, Lightning felt herself go white, cold and numb, felt her breath seize in her throat in what felt disturbingly like panic. She released his collar with a jerk. 

_Shit._

Lightning shoved him away, hard, and heard him stumble as he impacted against the wall. She could still feel him on her lips, feel his stubble on her skin, and what was worse, she could taste him. She raised shaky fingers to her mouth, wondering what had gone through her mind, because surely she couldn't have been that _monumentally_ stupid.

"What the hell was that?" It was the second time that night that Snow had demanded that exact question of her, and this time there was none of the closeness or camaraderie 

Lightning jerked to look at him, meeting his wide blue eyes. She saw horror – maybe a little too much horror, maybe he was making far too much of it, a more analytical part of her mind observed. She vaguely recalled the sensation of him meeting her willingly, of how his hands had dragged her body in a little closer. 

He was still waiting though. She didn't know _what_ to tell him. 

"It was a mistake," Lightning said, finally. She kept her voice level, as if the kiss didn't matter to her, as if she wasn't dying inside at how she'd betrayed her only sister. "The whisky and – you know what? This whole thing was a terrible idea, anyway. I'm out of here." 

Lightning turned on her heel and left the room.

###

Snow watched Lightning leave the room, stunned into silence and at a loss for what he could even say to her. He scratched the back of his head, still staring at where Lightning had gone, his mind still filled with thoughts of that searing kiss, the way her body had been pressed up against him and _the way he was engaged to her sister._

Snow was frankly amazed that Lightning hadn't slapped him, decked him, _whatever._ Sure, Lightning had made the first move, but it would have been his fault anyway. He was the almost-married man, after all. Instead, there wasn't even a harsh word hurled at him, just this weird apathy that kind of went over her, masking the person he’d thought he was finally getting to know. 

What had that kiss meant, if anything? Why had he leaned in to meet her? Snow banged his fist against the wall. He wasn't angry, just thoughtful. His adrenaline rush was beginning to fade, leaving him with nothing but an odd sense of loss where the weird sort of high had been.

"Serah..." Snow said into the heavy silence of the room, and he didn't know what else to say. 

_It was a mistake. It meant nothing. It was just for comfort. It was the heat of the moment. You were beautiful._

None of it seemed _right._ Those reasons sure has hell weren't faithful to Serah, either – Serah who had agreed to be his wife, Serah who he loved with his whole being! It didn't matter that these past few hours had been wonderfully distracting. It didn't matter that for a change he hadn't tried to force himself to believe in a Focus he wasn't entirely clear on, or to believe that Serah was really coming back. 

_Serah is coming back,_ Snow told himself as his fingers sought the tear-shaped eidolith in his pocket. _You just miss her. Lightning misses her, too. No matter how awesome hanging out with Sis has been, you've gotta remember that._

###

Lightning sat on the edge of her bunk, flexing her hands into useless fists and squeezing so tight that it felt like the bones in her hand began to creak. She thought of Serah's smile, of how she had given up so much of herself to see it stay happy and carefree. She thought of the day of her twenty-first birthday, of the marriage proposal and the revelation that Serah was a l'Cie. Snow loved Serah, and it had been clear to her in Palumpolum that the feelings and faith they’d shared was real – and Lightning thought of how Snow’s lips had felt against her own, soft and yielding and still smiling from laughter.

He'd smelled of whisky, sweat and cheap cologne, and she could still smell him a little on her clothing. Why had she done it? Lightning's hand closed into a fist, and she wondered how she could ever forgive herself for betraying Serah in such a way. Serah was going to come back, and she'd know what Lightning had done. Snow would tell her or perhaps Serah would read it in Lightning's face, and then what?

Lightning buried her face in her hands, wanting to retreat from the fear and intense feelings of self-loathing, but there was no escape here in the silence and darkness of her room. She had to do something to start to make amends, though. The silence ticked on as Lightning methodically sought out her answer, and after a while, she took a shaky breath. If Lightning couldn't absolve herself of her mistake, then she would forge on ahead in spite of it. She'd simply pretend that it never happened. She'd be Snow's 'Sis', a supporter and his family. She'd remind him of Serah, of what they were both fighting for. 

It was the best solution for everyone, and maybe if she filled the role well enough, Snow would forget about the meaningless kiss and they could both move on. 

"Eden," Lightning breathed as she let herself fall back onto the bunk. "What have I done?"

Regret and guilt didn't change anything, but she'd be damned if she could stop feeling so awful.

###

The next morning, as they'd lined up in the _Lindblum's_ hanger and anxiously awaited deployment, Snow looked over to where Lightning was standing with Hope. Snow wondered for a moment if she was explaining the tactics used by the Cavalry in order to make the drop – then he smiled. Hope was a smart kid, and he'd probably had it all figured out long before Snow himself. For the first time, Snow knew that Hope was going to be all right.

Lightning must have sensed him watching, because she looked over her shoulder and gave him a reassuring – if _way_ too serious – nod. 

Snow shoved his hands in his pockets, looking across the hanger to where the Cavalry made feverish preparations for battle as gunfire and explosions roared outside the airship's hull. He remembered how _weird_ it had been to hear Lightning laugh like that. Snow's fingers caught on the crystal tear-drop, and his hand closed around it almost compulsively. Serah, she was always quick to laugh, always smiling. That had been one of the very things to have drawn him to her in the first place. Serah was never harsh, and never took herself too seriously. Pretty much the exact opposite of Lightning, really. Last night, though, Lightning had been laughing. She'd been _smiling._ Hell, Lightning had even –

_-anyway._ Snow had done the seemingly impossible, and he'd made her laugh. Challenging as it had been – like blood out of a stone – he couldn't deny that he'd gotten a bit of a kick out of eliciting such a reaction. 

_Sure. Get a kick out of flirting with your fiancée's sister. Lebreau would have my head if she knew._

Snow raised Serah's eidolith to eye-level. He wished he could say that the gleaming blue crystal reminded him of the colour of her eyes, but sometimes when he looked at it, all he could see was her statue and the sure feeling that he'd never see her smile again. Snow's throat constricted, and he told himself again and again that he'd see her again. He just had to believe, hard as it all was. 

The next thing he knew, Rygdea had given them the signal and there was no more time to wallow in his thoughts. The time had come for action, impulse and momentum. Snow broke into a sprint as the hanger's doors crashed open, and Snow instinctively knew that Lightning, Fang and Hope were by his side as they leapt through a hole the cavalry had torn in the _Palamecia's_ hull. 

Weirdly enough, he thought he saw Lightning smiling and he had to wonder if she needed the relief of battle as much as he had.


	2. The Doubts, the Ark and the Promise

The Focus had been to destroy Cocoon all along. Barthandelus' words had bit in hard and deep and in the silence of the Ark there had been little to do but think and remember how much of a fool he'd been all along. Barthandelus hadn't planted a seed – he'd gone and shoved a whole tree in just as a nice little 'fuck you'. Worse, he'd implicated _Serah_ in it all, and Snow just _couldn't_ bear the idea. 

_Eden, Serah._ The assembler of the tools of destruction, a dreaded Pulse l'Cie, and now she was gone and Eden only knew when _(if)_ she'd be back. Snow shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling the crystal tear. It felt like lead in his pocket, a reassurance and a reminder of how everything had gone to hell. A part of him wanted to lie down and accept everything – that they were to destroy Cocoon. That Serah was gone. That he'd been a fool to try to believe. 

The other part? Well, it hadn't decided yet. It was a weird feeling, and not one that Snow enjoyed at all. He flexed his free hand, forming it into a fist and staring down at the brand. After a moment, he let his head thump back against the wall.

_How much longer?_ He didn't want to know. 

Snow heard the scuff of boots on concrete and rubble, and he looked up slowly. Lightning stood across from him, looking weary and maybe a little grumpy as well. Awesome. Snow still tried to smile for her, but it felt crooked and out of place, and it faded way too quickly into a grimace. 

"You can do better than that, hero," Lightning told him with a scoff, a hand on her hip and her expression was odd. It was like she was almost smiling – hell. It was an _almost-smile._ He watched her, silent. 

Snow remembered how he'd laughed as Lightning flipped him on his ass time and time again. He remembered the way the sweat had made her hair a little damp, how it had curled a little behind her ear. How there had been none of that _almost-smile_ business and she'd been _really_ smiling and her eyes had been bright. She’d been fierce. She wasn't like Serah at all, and she'd leaned forward and kissed him. 

He still wasn't sure what to say about it, but he was fairly sure _she_ was operating on the understanding that it _never happened._

Snow supposed he was okay with that. He stayed quiet, his fingers tracing the outline of the eidolith in his pocket. Lightning looked like she wanted to say something, but what was there to even say now? _I'm sorry you're a huge-ass fuck up?_ Once upon a time – hell, not even three days ago – he might have expected exactly that from her. Now? He just didn’t know.

Lightning turned to go, and Snow shook his head. No matter what had happened on the _Lindblum_ or on the _Palamecia,_ Lightning was still Serah's sister, and maybe they were friends. Maybe last night had been a mistake, maybe he'd been wrong about everything and maybe Dysley was right about the Focus and Raganarok. Snow faced his troubles head-on. He had to try to make things right, at least a little. He pushed himself away from the wall. 

"Hey, uh..." Snow cleared his throat, suddenly feeling a little awkward. 

Lightning stopped, looking back. She didn't seem mad at him, which he supposed was a good sign. It _might_ be a good sign. Eden – after last night, could he be _blamed_ for not knowing where they really stood?

"I've got to apologise," Snow said, regardless. "It... looks like I was wrong."

Lightning's expression didn't change. "About Serah's Focus?"

_About everything._

"It's not like you to second guess yourself," Lightning said, her voice a little heavy. She shook her head slowly, seeming a little... disappointed in him? Snow quashed the near-rebellious thought that jumped to mind, and instead he let himself lean against the wall again. What was he meant to do? Just smile and blindly march onward? Barthendelus had been right, _he_ had been wrong, and Serah was lost.

Snow remembered, then, what Fang had said back in the _Lindblum,_ something about keeping a cool head and staying sharp. So instead of lashing out and wallowing in his own self-pity, he smiled. It felt just as hollow as before, probably looked even worse and he knew Lightning would see through it immediately. Whatever. 

"Well, even heroes make mistakes."

Lightning snorted softly to herself. She wasn't looking at him, but she wasn't rebuking him, either. He studied her profile in the hazy light. It was sharper than Serah's, and there was a tension between her eyebrows and a harsher set to her jaw that spoke volumes about the stark differences between the two sisters. He wet his lips and looked at the ground, suddenly unable to look at her, either. 

"What about your plan to save Cocoon?" Lightning asked, her voice soft. "Either way, your faith in Serah was strong. That strength got you this far."

"It was all _wrong,"_ Snow burst out, unable to help himself. He took a deep breath. He believed? Lightning railed against him and then kissed him, only to keep her distance afterwards. Now he didn't believe, and there she was, acting as if he was wrong to just give up. He didn't get what Lightning wanted from him. 

"Yeah." Lightning sounded like she agreed, but also sounding tired and not at all harsh. "You tried so hard to convince us that you even fooled yourself." She didn't seem put off by his weird sort of duplicity, even if Snow supposed it had been real obvious the whole time. Maybe he'd wanted to believe in something – even a miracle – rather than facing the cold, hard truth of Anima's task. There was no more hiding from that, now.

"But still," Lightning continued, meeting his eyes suddenly. "It saved me. You trusted Serah. Let that faith drive you. It even made me want to believe."

With that, Lightning walked away from him, and she didn't look back. 

Snow watched her go, wordless. Lightning believed in him. She _shouldn't._ Snow had no idea of what he was meant to be doing, and all he could do was go blindly forward, hope that his brand stayed stable and that he wouldn't be forced to engineer Cocoon's destruction. For whatever reason, Lightning had chosen to believe in him, and Snow wondered if it wasn't all a little too late. He sighed a little. The expression in her eyes, though – maybe a lot of her words had been as much for her as they had been for him. 

Maybe Lightning was softer than she pretended, and he felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. Well, he supposed that would be like her. Snow's fingers tightened around the crystal tear-drop, and slowly he raised it to eye-level. No matter the alien blue glow it cast, the crystal felt dead in his hands, and he exhaled slowly. 

"Serah... talk to me, baby."

###

Lightning felt like a fraud. She reassured Snow to ease her own guilt and tried to be his friend, his _sister,_ even when all she could think about was that foolhardy kiss back on the _Lindblum._ The sensation, the taste, the memory of her heart pounding in her ears seemed to be burned into the front of her mind. Her guilt only became heavier as the hours passed – in one fell swoop she had betrayed both Serah _and_ Snow, and a few moments of support and friendship would never be enough to erase that.

After the fight with Cid and Snow's angry outburst, the group had simply forged onwards through the Ark. It felt like the pathways would never end, and from the expressions of the l'Cie around her, she wasn't alone in her growing despair. 

Snow had said little since they'd fought Cid, and Lightning remembered Fang's quiet words about his brand. Lightning's jaw tightened, and she very deliberately reminded herself of her promise to make sure Snow and Serah got the happy ending they had dreamed of. 

They kept walking without direction, and eventually the group hit a dead end. Lightning scanned the area, looking for a way forward, and felt a familiar twist in her gut as she realised there was none. She couldn't help but feel that the Ark was screwing with them a little, then.

"Looks like it's a dead end," Hope said, sounding exhausted from the walking and fighting.

Sazh squinted into the distance of the Ark. "How about down there?"

"If the stories are right, it's a maze." Vanille shrugged, and her eyes looked as troubled as Lightning felt. A maze? Then this whole thing could go on forever, until their brands ruptured. Then what? Lightning felt a little strangled then, as if the whole of Eden was bearing down on her shoulders. A small part of her wondered what would happen if Barthandelus lost his Ragnarok l'Cie, or if he would simply come and fish them out of this nightmare when he felt they'd struggled enough. 

Lightning didn't listen to the others begin to argue and shout at the futility of their situation, and her mind raced with what she knew about the Ark. There had to be a way out, she was sure of it. Failing that, she had to keep them all alive and healthy- 

"Way out?" Snow suddenly said, speaking for what was probably the first time in hours. Lightning frowned as she turned to look at him – he seemed a little more relaxed than he'd been since they'd fought Barthandelus, as if he'd just come to some sort of conclusion with himself. There was a fire in his eyes that Lightning thought had been all but extinguished, and she rested a hand on her hip. What exactly was he thinking? 

"Who said there was one? Bring it on. My mind is made up." Snow strode over to the edge of the platform, seeming sure of himself and what he was saying. "Maybe I will end up a cie'th. But until that happens..." Snow held up the crystal tear. "I'm gonna make Serah proud. I couldn't bring myself to admit that this tear meant good-bye. And that's why I kept searching for her. But I didn't need to. Serah was here the whole time. Right here, watching over me. Now I get it. What this tear's been telling me is to not let our Focus win. It's not the fal'Cie we should listen to. It's Serah and Raines. Do you know why? Because our Focus doesn't matter! What matters to me is that we protect Cocoon, whatever it takes!"

_Wishful thinking at its finest,_ Lightning thought, crossing her arms against her chest. _Most people would have just given up and accepted irrefutable fate._

Vanille walked forward, though, and placed her hand on Snow's. "Same here. I'll help you do it."

"All right. I'm in," Hope agreed, smiling tentatively as he placed his hand over Vanille's. The chocobo chick landed over his, and Sazh laughed. 

Lightning felt a smile twitch at the corner of her mouth, and suddenly his idiocy felt infectious. They could choose what to believe, what they _wanted_ to believe. Lightning had promised herself back on the _Lindblum_ that she would support him and help him however she could, even if it was just to atone. If Snow wanted to do this, then she'd try to make it happen, even if she was still a little unclear on the 'how'. Lightning couldn't deny that suddenly she felt a whole lot better, and at times like these, she really believed that he could really do it all. Save Serah, save Cocoon, defeat the Focus and do the impossible.

"Well, count me out." The voice cut through Lightning's strange sense of elation like a chill, and she snapped around to face Fang. "If you want to go it on your own... then so will I!"

###

_"I'm fighting this Focus to the end. We all are. So please... fight with us."_

Snow watched Lightning help Fang to her feet, before looking up to where Bahamut hung in the air like some sort of PSICOM machine. Snow had expected the other l'Cie to support him, not when there seemed to be no real way forward, but what Lightning had done just now? Way above and beyond what he'd ever imagined. She'd not just agreed to it, she was actively helping him with his crackpot idea. 

He smiled, feeling a warm ache in his chest as Bahamut lashed out and the battle began.

###

They were falling, but after the revelations in the Ark, Snow refused to back down and worry. Falling through the air several miles above ground in a broken aircraft? No sweat, because this was just a drop in the ocean compared to what he'd sworn just before. Still, while heroes didn't need plans, something had to be done or they'd end up as strawberry jam and then who would show Barthendelus a thing or two?

"Fang! Get 'em!" The words left Snow's mouth before he knew it, and he was rewarded with the woman's sharp answering nod. Surprisingly, Lightning leapt after her without hesitation. With Lightning and Fang on the job, Snow allowed himself to relax, enjoy the sensation of free fall, and he whooped as the pair of them summoned Bahamut. 

"You're crazy, kid!" Sazh roared over the howling wind, and Snow just laughed. To defeat the Focus, maybe he _had_ to be a little crazy.

Snow squinted against the rising sun, blinking rapidly against the intense light and the feel of the wind rushing against his face. Even though he enjoyed the sheer thrill of the fall, he was a little unsure of his hold on the broken piping of their hijacked aircraft. Just as his grip began to slip he heard Bahamut draw up alongside the ship. Snow peeled one eye open – Fang smirked and waved at him, and Lightning jerked her head back and hold out her hand. 

_So that's how it is? I know a challenge when I see one._ Snow laughed and flung himself out and away from the falling ship, barely able to see where he was going but trusting all the same. Lightning's hand grabbed his own, firm and weirdly reassuring as she swung him up and onto Bahamut's back. Fang had taken care of Sazh, and now there was only one small matter to attend to – catching Hope and Vanille before it was too late. 

They reached Hope and Vanille just before impact, and with maybe a _little_ relief, Snow watched Sazh and Lightning swing the kids safely onto the Eidolon's back. Snow tightened his grip on one of Bahamut's many spikes, staring at the alien world all around him. The air felt cold against his face, but the sun felt brighter and hotter than Phoenix's carefully regulated rays. The place was covered in wilderness and overgrown and crumbling towers. 

"Home sweet home," Fang said, and her voice sounded both proud and wistful. "Welcome to Gran Pulse."

Snow let out a long whistle, and Sazh murmured in quiet agreement. Pulse was like nothing they'd ever seen before. It was dangerous and alien. To Snow's eyes, it filled with unlimited possibility for adventure and excitement. It was completely _amazing._

Snow cast his eyes back to Lightning, wondering what she thought of it all. Was she worried? Was she looking forward to seeing what this place had to offer? Snow watched her for a moment, the golden sun and clear skies seeming to light up her eyes in an even more brilliant blue than normal. She was almost-smiling again, and Snow's lips twitched. 

Maybe Lightning was feeling just the same awe and sense of wonder as him. He'd have to ask her when they landed – about her plan, about her thoughts on Gran Pulse, the Focus and Ragnarok. His body felt wired. He hadn't felt this alive since Serah-

_What the hell are you doing?_ Snow asked himself suddenly, as he watched Vanille point something out to Lightning. He wanted to talk with Lightning about everything and nothing at all, and it felt right that he wanted to do that. He was sick of feeling miserable and uncertain. Every action had a consequence, he _knew_ that, but it was nice just to feel for a change.


	3. The Tarnished Knight, the Tangle and the Realisation

"So what do you call a chocobo that won't stop running?" Snow asked as they crested the grassy knoll. He had the air of an excited thirteen-year-old at Nautilus, despite the harsh and unforgiving environment they'd landed themselves in. 

Lightning made a small sound in the back of her throat. His enthusiasm wasn't grating, perhaps even a little cute, but it really wasn't the time for Snow's latest brand of cringe-worthy comedy. They still had a lot of ground to cover, and she was not going to let Fang beat her at reconnaissance two days running. 

"I don't know." Hope, however, was completely ready to play at Snow's game. The boy actually sounded as if he was giving the question some serious thought. "A road-runner? Drumsticks on haste?"

Snow grinned at Hope's tries. "Close, but no cigar. Any thoughts, Light?"

"I'm thinking that tomorrow I will take Sazh and Vanille on the mission, because Sazh's jokes are much funnier," Lightning told him, glancing quickly over her shoulder to appease him. 

"Gee, what a spoil-sport, hey Hope?" Snow didn't seem put off by the mild jibe, and pounded one fist into another as they headed toward the Steppe's cliffs. "Give up? You guys are going to kick yourselves!"

"I'll certainly kick something," Lightning said as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She was amused, but she was not about to show it. 

"You call it a chocogo. Choco _bo_ -choco _go_? …get it?" Snow's smile seemed just as bright as ever – he was either completely clueless, or he knew damn well how bad his joke was. Lightning's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but after a moment she shook her head and continued on down the hill. She heard Snow laugh at her reaction, and he jogged to catch up.

"Hey now," Snow said, his voice light. "I _saw_ that smile, Lightning!"

"I felt sorry for you," Lightning told him with a scoff. "It was either smile or grimace."

"It's a nice smile." Snow meant it as a compliment, but Lightning's insides froze and she looked sharply back at him. Snow met her eyes squarely, looking a little sheepish that he had said anything. She waited for him to shrug it off, or take it back, but nothing happened. What was he doing? More, what was she doing? Lightning's grip tightened convulsively into a fist. 

"Why did you say that?" Lightning asked quietly, taking a slow breath and trying to calm her pounding heart.

"Because I felt like it." Snow hesitated, but he didn't drop his gaze. "Because it felt... right to say."

"Just because you feel something, doesn't mean you act on it." Lightning clenched her teeth, unable to believe it all. "I thought that was obvious."

Hope coughed politely somewhere off to the side, and Snow and Lightning whirled with startled curses. With what Snow had said, with all the thoughts running a riot through Lightning's mind, she'd completely forgotten that Hope was there and that she and Snow were not alone. Lightning studied the boy's innocent green eyes, wondering how much he'd put together. 

"Let's just get this scouting done," Snow said, finally, removing his bandanna quickly and running his fingers through his shaggy blond hair. He looked tired and frustrated, and he started off toward the Steppe's cliffs again without a further word.

Lightning's jaw clenched stubbornly. Suddenly, the friendly banter that they'd been enjoying over the past few days seemed awful and corrupted, and the burden that had seemingly lifted from Lightning's shoulders tripled in weight. She felt unable to breathe, she felt like – like she'd tarnished him for starting _this._ For trying to be better to him, to be there for him. She'd kissed him in one stupidly impulsive moment of need. 

Snow was the hero, the knight in shining armour and he was unwavering in his devotion. As they trekked back across the Steppe, Lightning looked up at Cocoon. Serah seemed so far away now, but Snow was _her_ knight in shining armour. Not Lightning's. That was the way it had to stay, no matter how Snow made her feel or how her emotions betrayed her.

###

Snow sat awake that night, poking at the dying fire with a stick he'd picked up during that day's travels. The smoke stung at his eyes, but even though he was bone tired from that day's travels, he couldn't sleep.

Ever since he'd opened his big, stupid mouth yesterday about how much he'd liked seeing Lightning's smile... he shook his head in frustration, thrusting the stick further into the glowing embers. Lightning had changed. To anyone else, maybe that careful politeness wouldn’t have raised alarm bells, but he wasn't someone else and he _knew_ how she worked. Maybe not completely, he amended quickly, but part of Lightning's friendship and regard had been her backhanded compliments and deadpan sarcasm.

This Lightning didn't show any of that, and he missed her with a sudden and deep ache in his chest. He looked over to where the rest of the group were sleeping in their blankets, withdrawing the stick from the fire and flicking the glowing embers away carelessly.

Since arriving on Gran Pulse, Snow's dreams had been confused, filled with judgement and guilt. Sometimes, he dreamed of Ragnarok and the Purge. At other times, it was a quiet suburban life, and it contrasted painfully with wild, adrenaline-filled adventure. Sometimes the dreams were sweet and romantic, or they were violently passionate, or they were _both_ all at once. That part didn't bother him. What really made him worry, was that he could no longer be sure that the strawberry blonde woman in his arms was Serah, or – or Lightning. 

Snow rubbed his face in his hands, and he drew the blue crystal tear out of his pocket and held it up to eye-level. He hadn't been literal about Serah being with him in the crystal, back at the Ark, but at times like these he wished he had been. Things would be simpler. Snow closed his eyes, imagining. Serah would come back and right it all, and it would remind him of just how much he loved her. 

Maybe then he could forget the fluttery feeling in his stomach when Lightning bantered with him, sparred with him and laughed with him. 

"I'm pretty far gone already, Serah," Snow said to the crystal, not expecting an answer but needing to confess all the same. "This is wrong, and I just can't stop. I don't know _how_ to stop. I've never been so good at reigning in my feelings, but you know all that."

He'd thought he'd had his life and his emotions figured out. He wanted a house and a family, everything he'd dreamed of as a kid in an orphanage. For the longest time, that dream had been a clear-cut goal, and when he met Serah, he had known that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

Serah was the woman in those dreams, and she was the one he'd been fighting for all this time. 

Since the Purge, since going to Gran Pulse and exploring the lost land – and since the kiss, Snow reminded himself sadly – the dreams of suburban bliss had dimmed a little. What was once clear had become a little murkier, and Snow didn't know what to do about it. Snow closed his fist on the eidolith and slid it back into his pocket, and looked up to where the dim light of Cocoon hung far above them in the night sky. 

This was not the way heroes in the fairytales did things.

###

The Mah'habara Subterra was quiet, dark and stifling, but the fact that Lightning wasn't with Snow today should have done wonders for her ragged nerves. She should have been able to put him out of her mind, to let herself relax and focus on what mattered. For some reason, she _wasn't_ able to focus, and she felt anxious and jittery. The patrol seemed to drag on forever, with Fang and Vanille both setting a sedate pace.

It was a few hours into their patrol that finally, Fang signalled for them to stop and take a rest. Lightning allowed herself to lean against the subterra's roughly-hewed wall, watching Vanille check Fang over for injuries. With a belated sigh, Lightning drew a protein bar from her side pack and unwrapped it. She watched the play of light over the tunnel walls, letting her head thump back against solid stone. She needed the rest, sure, but she still felt the need to run and fight and just take her mind off everything. 

"He's engaged to your sister, right?" Fang suddenly said, and Lightning's eyes snapped down. 

"Snow?" Lightning ventured, even though she knew damn well who Fang was referring to. 

"Yeah. That's the reason he's even here, right?" Fang swung her polearm back onto her back, even as Vanille tried to shush her for her rude questions. "Because he wants to save your sister. This Serah, who is in crystal stasis. Who, coincidentally, is the reason you are here as well. You're both here because you loved Serah. Am I getting that right?"

Lightning laughed, a little sad at how the whole scenario sounded. "Right."

"So you're blatantly flirting with your sister's fiance, while she's not even here to defend what she rightfully gained. Can't say I'm impressed." Fang shook her head, even as Vanille gave a scandalised and slightly sympathetic hiss. 

"You're right," Lightning said, pinching the bridge of her nose and wishing she was anywhere but here. She'd already gone through ever iteration of every recrimination she could think of, but still Fang wanted to confront her? Maybe she deserved it. "I'm selfish. I didn't _mean_ for it to happen, I just-"

_Letting myself get lost in him... It feels like it's the only refuge I have against how much life sucks at the moment._

Fang's eyes narrowed, and suddenly she nodded sharply, as if Lightning had made perfect sense. Lightning closed her eyes for a moment, wondering how much lower she would go before Serah finally came back. 

Snow wasn't even her type. Snow was open and boisterous and far too prone to thinking with his heart and not his head. He was an idiot who threw himself whole into anything and everything. At first, she _had_ found him grating. Now? Somewhere between Lake Bresha and the _Lindblum_ , she'd developed a respect for him, and that respect had grown into attraction, and Eden only knew what it was now. A part of her whispered that it felt scarily like love, but she shut down that thought with a vicious ferocity. 

Lightning's eyes snapped open again as she felt light pressure on her shoulder, but relaxed when she realised it was Vanille. Vanille's green eyes were sympathetic, and frankly it was more than Lightning could bear. Lightning didn't deserve any sympathy, because she'd managed to cause all her problems herself.

"What is Serah going to say?" Vanille asked, softly. 

It was a thought that had chilled Lightning since the very start, and even now, maybe a week after the _Lindblum_ incident, she still hadn't the courage to face a reality in which Serah knew what Lightning had done. What would Serah say, if she knew that Lightning had been looking at Snow not as a brother or a friend, but as a partner or a lover? Her stomach twisted at the thought. 

"It's nothing," Lightning told Vanille and Fang roughly, and she swallowed her emotion until there was nothing left in her voice. "There's no reason she needs to know, because it's _nothing."_

Vanille just looked sad at Lightning's harsh response. "I'm not sure what would be sadder," Vanille said, then, before turning back to Fang to accept some food. "If you're lying, or if you actually believe that."

Lightning let out a shaky breath and let her head thump back against solid rock a few times. They were right – of _course_ they were right. Something needed to be done, because in spite of how careful she'd been to mask her own emotions since the _Lindblum,_ things were spiralling rapidly out of control and she needed to lay down the law now. 

"Sort this mess out." Fang sighed, suddenly not seeming as confrontational as she'd been at the start of the conversation. "You know you need to do what's right – whatever _that_ is."

###

The next time Lightning, Fang and Vanille met up with the other l'Cie, Lightning made a point of standing with Snow and Hope and ignored the feeling of crawling anxiety as she glanced over to him. Snow's expression had been carefully neutral when he'd looked over to her, but he was laughing at something Sazh had said. The way the corners of his eyes crinkled as he belted out unrestrained laughter made Lightning's breath catch for half a moment, and she cursed herself for her growing attraction to him.

She'd thought she was better than this. 

When the time came for the two parties to split off again in exploration, Lightning jerked her head to signal for Snow and Hope to follow her lead. Snow raised both eyebrows, while Hope merely frowned. Despite the fact that she and Snow would not be alone, she needed to talk to Snow and she wasn't going to rest until they'd both put the _Lindblum_ behind them. 

Lightning laughed under her breath, then. Perhaps it was a good thing that Hope was there, because she couldn't afford to fail. 

As soon as they were out of earshot of the other group, Lightning raised a hand to signal that they were stopping. Hope looked confused, but Snow just looked... wary. Lightning's eyes narrowed, and she rounded on him. Snow held up his hands in appeasement, and he flashed a winning smile at her. 

"I don't know what you think _we_ are," Lightning snapped, in no mood for his games even though a part of her loved the way his smile lit up his whole face. She was here to shut it all down, not admire him. She continued on doggedly, "But you need to remember Serah."

The smile faded instantly, and Snow's eyes went flat and dark. "I remember Serah. Every single moment of every single day."

Lightning wanted to shout at him, to tell him that clearly he wasn't thinking about Serah when he was so busy flirting with her. She shoved him hard in the shoulder, and she ignored Hope's confused cry of protest. 

"Then what's all this about, then?" Lightning demanded, jabbing two fingers into his chest. The way he flinched back both reassured her and bothered her, but there was no time for confliction when they really needed to arrive at a solution. Snow looked down and away, his lips forming a tight, miserable line. Lightning felt like she'd just kicked a puppy, and she buried her face in her hands. 

"I... I don't really _know."_ Snow's voice was quiet, and she heard his trenchcoat rustle as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "It just... you know that I think it feels right, even if it's not. You know that."

Lightning looked up, watching the play of dim light and shadow over his face. "And you know that I think the feelings should be damned. What about Serah?"

Snow didn't answer her immediately, seeming lost in his own thoughts. His expression became more and more conflicted as the seconds wore on, until finally he spread his hands.

"I can't just up and forget that kiss, Light," he told her, and he still wasn't meeting her eyes. Lightning knew exactly how he felt, but it wasn't the point and he _knew_ that. 

"Bad enough that there was a kiss," Lightning said. It felt like she walked a knife-edge, and she turned around and continued walking through the tunnels. "What you're doing, Snow, is even worse."

"It's just me, then? I'm the only one who feels this way?" Snow demanded, and she heard him jog to catch up with her. Lightning didn't know how to answer him, and instead looked directly ahead. To her right, Hope matched her stride, though he looked a little bowled over by the whole confrontation that had rolled out before his eyes. 

"There was a kiss?" Hope muttered to himself, and Lightning only glared at him. He returned her frown fiercely, as if it was all Lightning's fault that he hadn't been told earlier. "Nobody tells _me_ anything around here."

Ahead of them, something moved in the dark and Lightning drew her blazefire sabre from the holster at her side. It looked like a group of strange... _shapes,_ all bouncing around on the ground in some sort of group. They'd not encountered anything like them out on the Steppe, and as they approached Lightning only grew more cautious. Fang and Vanille hadn't mentioned anything about these things, so to Lightning's mind they remained an unknown quantity of danger. 

"Light-" Snow began, his voice a little tight, but Lightning held up a quick hand to stay his arguments. 

"Later," she told him in a low voice, and she nodded to Hope. They'd start off on the defensive, and Hope would make good use of his enhancing spells. Snow could test the creature's attack power, and Lightning... Lightning felt a smile lift the corner of her mouth. She'd test out how quickly the creatures fell. 

The battle with the creatures was short and brutal and stunning in its sheer intensity. Hope was knocked flying by one of the strange creatures before he even got a protective spell off. As Lightning watched him impact hard against the hewn wall of the tunnel, a bad feeling began to creep over her, but she didn't order a retreat. They'd been in far worse situations before. She signalled for Snow to distract the creatures as she readied a stream of magic. 

She'd soon find out where the creatures' soft spots were. 

Snow's obnoxious attempt to provoke the creatures didn't seem to work, and as Lightning dashed in to test them again, she felt the air suddenly chill, as if the tunnel's ambient temperature had dropped to freezing in an instant. 

The creatures' shells shifted, and Lightning's eyes widened as she figured it out. She was too close, they were all around her and Snow was running for them –

"Snow – _get back!"_ she roared, and then there was a deafening bang as the creatures exploded, the feeling of ice shards shredding her flesh, and she fell to her knees as the world darkened sickeningly. All sensation bled away and she retreated into darkness willingly.

###

Snow picked himself up off the ground gingerly. The world spun as he raised his head, and he cradled it in his hands even as he fought the urge to heave his lunch up. His breath hitched painfully, and he pressed a hand to his side. Eden, if that self-destruct blast hadn't been hard enough on him, the double-impact with the tunnel's wall had _really_ sealed the deal... Maybe he was still a little soft from Palumpolum...

Snow looked around at the suddenly empty tunnel, from where Hope was slowly picking himself up off the ground to where Lightning lay in a boneless heap. His eyes widened, and he scrambled over to her despite the way his ribs screamed at him for doing so. Lightning had borne the brunt of the creature's blast, and if it had knocked _him_ around, then... Snow's jaw tightened as he turned her over with shaking hands. 

Lightning groaned, her breath hissing through her teeth, and Snow's urge to throw up only grew. Blood. Blood was _everywhere,_ and he hadn't seen one of their own bleed like this since they'd picked a fight with a King Behemoth the first day on Gran Pulse. They'd managed to get Fang patched up pretty quickly, but that had been with the help of their top healers. Lightning would be no help and Vanille was Eden only knew where! Hope was really the only option and he was only just waking up.

The beginning of panic began in his chest as he rousted through his pockets, through Lightning's side pack, trying to find anything that would buy him more time to get Lightning some help. He heard Hope shuffle over, and Snow felt a wave of relief. Hope was functioning, great. Now all he'd have to do was put that healing magic of his to work, and-

"What... what happened?" Hope asked blearily as he sagged in a boneless heap beside Lightning. Snow's gut clenched, and he looked down at Lightning. Hope was going to be no help at all, not if the poor kid wouldn't be able to see straight enough to heal her up. 

"We got mobbed pretty bad," Snow told the boy, trying to keep his voice positive. Inside he was roaring at himself for wasting time, that Lightning needed attention and that if he let her die... "Say, you wouldn't happen to have any potions on you? I think Light could really use a kickstarter."

Hope shook his head, his eyes still a little foggy. "Can't afford them. Light called them a waste of money when we can heal. Said we could spend it on things that 'better aided us.'" Hope laughed a little then, but Snow didn't feel like joining in as he silently cursed Lightning's weird sense of priorities. 

"Hope. I'm gonna need to you try to heal Light up, you understand? I know it's hard and you can't think, but she's going to die for real if we don't do something _now."_ Snow slammed his fist into his palm to cut Hope's immediate protests off, and ignored the way the pain rocketed through his ribs. “It doesn't have to be a big spell, just enough to hold us out until we get to Vanille."

_Vanille will know what to do,_ Snow told himself as Hope slowly nodded. The resulting healing spell was shaky and low in intensity, but even then Hope was gasping and clutching at his head by the end of it. Snow clapped him on the shoulder, telling the boy that he'd done a good job. Hope _had_ done a good job, better than Snow had expected. It didn't change the fact that it wasn't _enough_ and that he had to get them all to Vanille. 

Snow brushed Lightning's sweat-soaked bangs from her forehead, wishing that Hope's spell had done a little more work to ease her pain. He was only going to hurt Lightning more before he made it all better, and he tried not to let the thought get to him as he gathered her in his arms and gently placed her over his shoulder. He honestly couldn't think of any other way to do this, not without hurting his ribs even more.

Regardless of his extra care, Snow's ribs screamed in protest to the sudden extra weight, and Lightning cried out and thrashed against him. Snow stumbled, bracing himself against the tunnel wall and muttering soothing words to Lightning over his shoulder. She slowly calmed, but he was afraid that he'd started the bleeding again. 

"Can you cast it again?" Snow asked with a gasp, and Hope nodded hesitantly, a little more sure this time but seriously green around the gills still. The curing spell eased the tension between Lightning's eyebrows, and Snow let out a shaky breath. 

"Shall we?" Snow asked neither of them in particular, and they set off in the direction they'd come. Every single step he took was absolute agony in his ribs, but Snow clenched his jaw stubbornly. Heroes didn't give up, heroes didn't let their friends die, and heroes forced their way through! He'd do just the same, because Lightning would have done it for him. Hope stumbled along beside him, and Snow had to reach out and steady him far too often. 

_We're a mess._

It felt like an hour before they finally found the others, even if it might only have been a fraction of that time. Fang was the first to spot them, and Snow heard her bark a slew of Pulsian-brand swearwords as she ran for them. Sazh was right on her heels, demanding what had happened, and Vanille – _thank Eden, Vanille_ – was only half a second behind. Fang and Sazh helped Snow place Lightning on the ground.

His ribs were still screaming, but Snow crouched down beside her as Vanille surveyed the damage with a stark expression. Snow watched Vanille swallow, saw her look toward Hope. 

"I'm going to need help," was all Vanille said to him, before rising gracefully to her feet and walking over to where the boy slouched on the ground. Snow tried not to be alarmed, tried not to let it _get to him,_ but the thought of Lightning dying there in the cave was more than he could stand. He felt like it was _Serah_ all over again, and it was clear how much his heart had betrayed him then. 

In spite of himself, he let out a strangled sob. Heroes didn't let people die, especially not the people they loved. He pressed his hand over hers' as he heard Vanille finish up with Hope. Lightning's eyes fluttered open a fraction, and he felt her hand grab his in a steely grip that belied her injuries. Snow met her eyes as she squeezed his hand even harder. The intense, open emotion in them made him shiver, and he cast his mind back to their argument just moments before the fight. 

He'd thought that maybe he was the only one who felt that way about their relationship, that it _meant_ something more than just friendship. Her look was tender and loving, as if it had been there all along. She closed her eyes and her grip slackened then, and Snow had to wonder if he'd only seen such tenderness in her eyes because she thought she might _die._

It meant that Lightning probably felt the same affection as he did – and the same amount of guilt. 

Snow remained beside her as Vanille and Hope went to work, gripping the eidolith in his pocket with one hand and holding Lightning's and with the other. 

_Face it, Snow,_ his mind laughed at him. _You're in love with two women._


	4. The Bridge, the Focus and the Far-Away Dream

After taking a day to rest and regroup from their disastrous encounter with what Lightning eventually learned were cryohedrons, the group had wished to clear the Mah'habara Subterra quickly. Lightning wasn't particularly fond of the caves herself now, with the lingering memory of the blast and the pain afterwards, and she couldn't help her sigh of relief when they finally stepped out of the tunnels and into the daylight of the Sulyya Springs.

Her chest still ached a little from the wounds Hope and Vanille had sealed up, and she silently thanked Snow for his fast thinking to rally the group. A cure spell could do wonders, but you had to be careful and you had to be _quick._ Things could have ended in a far worse way for them. Lightning closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the warm sunlight for a moment. She remembered her conversation with Fang and Vanille, and her argument with Snow just before the fight with the cryohedrons. She remembered gripping his hand hard, drawing some small measure of comfort from his warm expression and steady presence. 

Lightning had weakened, even if just for a moment, and she'd undone her attempts to put the distance back between them.

When Snow had climbed up the cliffs that had surrounded the springs, Lightning had taken her chance and followed him to the top. As she cleared the peak of the cliff, she heard him take a steadying breath, and then he shot her a fragile-looking smile over his shoulder. Lightning crossed her arms over her chest as she joined him at the cliff’s edge. Snow didn't say anything, wisely staying his tongue for once. 

"How's Serah?" Lightning asked, breaking the silence. 

"Same as we left her. Feels so far away now." Snow looked down at the crystal tear in the palm of his gloved hand for a moment. His eyes looked tired, but he seemed to want to talk about it now. They spoke of Serah, of his proposal and his intentions to go through with the marriage if – _when_ – Serah returned to them. He passed the crystal tear over to her, and the eidolith was deceptively heavy, as if all of what Serah had been was imbued in the essence of the stone. 

They talked about the future, as if Barthandelus was already taken care of and that their Focus of destroying Cocoon wasn't hanging over their heads like a recurring nightmare. At times Lightning felt her chest begin to ache, and she tried to dismiss the feeling. No matter how much she liked Snow, or how he made her feel, this was the reality. Snow would marry Serah, and Lightning would be nothing more than his sister. She knew that despite his lingering doubts that he'd ever see Serah again, that was the way it would play out. The sooner they really accepted that, the better. 

"Don't worry. We'll finish this, and go see her together." He sounded wistful, as if it was a long-cherished dream, and there was something about his expression that seemed resigned. Maybe, now that he'd had the chance to think on Serah and what they were doing to her, he was more open to simply putting it all behind him. 

"You know that it needs to stop," Lightning told him, quietly. He nodded, stiffly, and the flicker of guilt and pain across his face made her heart clench. She wished that it didn't have to be this way, but she'd made him do something he would have otherwise never entertained. She had no doubt that things would never have progressed beyond friendship, had she not leaned in to kiss him on the _Lindblum._ The whole situation was all her fault. 

The web between them and Serah felt so tangled that Lightning could barely breathe when she took a step back and considered it. Serah needed to come back, so she could safely step away from Snow and let destiny and true love sort it all out. 

As she left Snow on the cliff, Lightning closed her hand into a loose fist and looked down at it. She remembered the weight of the crystal, of Snow's pretence that Serah could hear and speak through the eidolith. Lightning hoped not. She wondered if Serah could feel her regret, even though she’d known since the start that her regret alone wouldn't absolve her.

###

When they finally made it to Oerba, the place was empty of life and filled with rust and cie'th. Whatever mad hope Lightning had held in her heart was dashed as they'd walked through the abandoned town. It didn't look like the place had been inhabited in a long time, and from what Fang mentioned, the place had not changed since the War of Transgression. She set about exploring the ruins with a detached sense of apathy, feeling the heat of her brand grow hotter through her sweater.

Lightning had convinced herself – foolish as it had been – that getting to Oerba had been the hard part, and that whatever remained in the town would have solved their Focus for them. Ever the cynic, Fang had scoffed and called them all delusional. It rankled that the other woman had been right all along. 

A few hours later, the group assembled on the edge of Oerba, halfway across a twisted and broken bridge. They bantered, they wise-cracked, Hope smiled and Sazh laughed, but it all felt hollow and they all seemed to be waiting for the knife to fall. The worry was stark in their eyes when she looked, and she had nothing to say that could take away the growing panic. Nevertheless, Lightning knew it was time to come up with a new goal, or a new plan of attack. She had to come up with something to keep them all going, even if she had been scraping her mind for hours and had still come up horrifyingly empty-handed. 

The group trekked quietly across the bridge, and Lightning's thoughts turned from alarmed to bitter. If she turned cie'th, would they put her out of her misery? The idea of Snow striking her down – or of her doing just the same for him – made her want to throw up. She tried to push the images aside.

_Ragnarok. Come Day of Wrath, O Pulse l'Cie. Embrace thy fate, thine home to burn. That fallen souls might bare our plea...To hasten the Divine's return. O piteous Wanderer, Ragnarok Make of this day a brave epoch. Deliver the Divine, Ragnarok._

Lightning was the first one to hear the achingly familiar voice, and the first one to see Serah materialise out of light and shadow – and she froze, feeling dread, relief and guilt hit her hard. The combination was paralysing and she hated that she did not run forward to immediately embrace the sister she had believed was lost to her. Beside her, she heard Snow's sharp intake of breath. He had no such reservations as he moved quickly forward, his eyes full of hope and wonder. 

Lightning looked aside, hating herself even more that at _any_ level she would begrudge Snow and Serah their rightful happiness.

"Serah! How did you...?" Snow asked, with just the same joy and wonder in his voice. Serah tilted her head and smiled at him, her eyes loving. She ran forwards into Snow's waiting arms, and Lightning felt even more like a traitor. 

"I was waiting for you to open your eyes. All the time I was asleep, I knew what was happening." Serah's eyes slid open, her gaze falling on Lightning and it held none of the innate warmth that Lightning normally associated with her sister. Lightning shivered, still rooted to the spot but suddenly she _knew_ that something was wrong. "I kept trying to think a way to save Cocoon – together."

"Serah?" Snow whispered, nearly _begged,_ before shoving her away. Serah feel backwards, to the ground. 

"You get it now," Serah said, rising smoothly to her feet. There was something buried deep in her voice, in the words she said, and it brought to mind a serpent in the grass just waiting to strike. "There are no gods with miracles to save us, no matter where you look. That's why we have to call one."

It wasn't Serah, it _couldn't_ be Serah. Lightning hadn't raised her to parrot the words of the fal'Cie and to wish death upon the people of Cocoon! Her eyes were locked onto Serah, wondering if she dared draw her weapon on her sister. She stayed her hand, unable to stomach moving against Serah like that, no matter how logical the action or threatening Serah's words. Lightning's glance flashed towards Snow – his face was white and his eyes were wide with horror at what his fiancée was telling them. 

His hope was breaking and she was just standing there and letting it happen!

Serah spun on her heel, her expression suddenly imploring. "Destroy Orphan. We'll save the world!"

"Stop it!" Lightning cried out, her hand twitching toward her weapon because _something was wrong_ and she had to stop Serah from destroying the optimism she'd so admired in Snow. She had to do something, _anything,_ but Serah seemed to slide forwards with that all-too familiar smile and Lightning dropped her hand from her weapon reflexively. 

"You can't do that, you love me too much." Serah smiled, and her eyes looked into Lightning's very soul. It felt as if Serah already knew how badly Lightning had betrayed her. "You do, don't you, Claire?"

Lightning went white, and she almost sagged in relief when Snow jumped in between them. No matter what Serah was saying, no matter how awful the words were, Lightning could not strike out at her only family, her sister. Even before she'd betrayed Serah, there was simply no way she could do it – the guilt just made everything so much worse. 

Afterwards, Lightning couldn't decide if it was better or worse that it turned out to be only Barthandelus wearing her sister's skin. As they sat in the airship en route to Cocoon, Lightning felt her hands begin to shake and a rawness begin in her throat. It was as close as she'd come to crying since seeing Serah crystallise. 

Lightning pounded her fist, again and again, against the metal of the airship. Serah. _Serah._

She ignored Hope's quiet words, Vanille's sad looks and Snow's loaded silences, because there was _nothing_ that could make it better and she had to live with it.

###

They'd been so close to Eden, to saving Orphan, just to be beaten by a gate? It was maddening, it was awful, and Snow wanted to pound on the metal until either his hands broke or the whole thing came crashing down. The obvious thing was to find another way in, but there was no time and Cocoon hung in the balance! He didn't know what to do, and when he cast his eye over the other l'Cie, he had no ideas. Not even Lightning seemed to be able to come up with anything!

His heart pounding and his chest heaving, Snow had glared at the door and slammed his fist against it, and that when he the gate opened. 

_"Gate got you beat? Hero?"_

Snow had felt his spirit skyrocket the moment he heard Gadot's voice, and it didn't seem to matter that he was a Pulse l'Cie when his team – his _friends_ – came riding in on aircycles like knights right out of a fairytale. Gadot, Lebreau, Maqui and Yuj – a part of Snow had thought he'd never get to see them again, and to suddenly find them grinning at him, believing in him and giving him hell for not believing in them...

It was a really _awesome_ feeling, and it was one that Snow had really missed, even if they did insist on picking on him. 

"But damn," Gadot was saying, his smile a little sadder then. "Those Pulse l'Cie sure know how to pick 'em."

"Yeah. Out of all the idiots in the world, they chose this one." Lightning stepped forwards, her tone lighter than Snow heard since the Archylte Steppe – it seemed so long ago. Snow's heart warmed and he smiled a little crookedly at her, even as he moved quickly to defend himself from further jokes. It almost felt like everything was normal, except this time Team NORA wasn't dodging the law for the hell of it, the woman at his side wasn't Serah and the adventure would probably be a one way trip – at least for a while. He refused to admit that it would be goodbye, though.

As Team NORA left to take care of Cocoon's residents, Lebreau narrowed her eyes at him and shot a suspicious glance at him. Snow wondered, then, about how obvious his feelings for Lightning – _and_ Serah – really were. 

At this stage in the game, he wasn’t sure that he cared.

###

The Narthex was quiet and sterile, and it was a vivid contrast to the chaos of the Tesseracts and the outside of Edenhall. The entire place made Snow uncomfortable. The tiniest sound seemed to echo back at him from all around the white hallways, and he rolled his shoulders irritably. It wasn't long to go before they confronted Orphan, which meant that Barthandelus would be waiting around a corner somewhere. Thinking back on his last encounter with the fal'Cie still made his skin crawl and his brain boil with rage.

Barthandelus would _use_ Serah against him? The fal'Cie had made it painfully clear that all humans were tools to him, from Serah to Raines to _them._ It made him angry just thinking about it, that humanity had been played for idiots.

Ahead of him, Lightning walked with Sazh and Vanille. Snow watched her for a moment, feeling painfully empty. Serah's appearance on the bridge had hit her maybe harder than it had hit him, and he'd known better than to approach her to work through their grief together. They'd agreed to stop feeling – or, Lightning had decided it, and Snow hadn't objected. 

Maybe Lightning was just better with controlling her emotions, because Snow could never stop feeling. He wanted to walk up to her, to tell her everything was going to be okay if only she believed in him a little longer. He imagined her almost-smile at him, give him a sharp but affectionate retort – maybe _"save the hero-talk for someone who needs it"_ – and then accept his outstretched and squeeze it once, just reassuringly. 

His heart bled a little, then, because it wasn't like that and it _couldn't_ be like that and he really needed to stop torturing himself with it. 

Lightning was so close though, so much larger than life. He gripped Serah's eidolith, running his fingers along familiar edges. Whatever lay ahead, be it Orphan or Barthandelus or yet another fal'Cie to force their way through, he wanted to be on good terms with Lightning, because the worst could happen and any one of their number could fall. 

He quickened his stride, deliberately catching Lightning's eye and jerking his thumb. With a long-suffering look that was actually kind of unfair, Lightning motioned for Sazh and Vanille to move on ahead with Fang and Hope. She stopped then, her arms crossed in front of her chest and her blue eyes hard and cold. Funny, the way reality could be so different to daydreams. 

"What is it, Snow?" Lightning asked, sounding tired and eager to get moving and kick Barthandelus' ass. Snow looked at her for a moment, just taking every piece of her in, his loud declarations dying in his throat. Back in the Purge, he'd never really had a chance to _see_ Serah just as she'd been before she was snatched away. If the portal ahead was goodbye, then...

"I'm glad I got to know you," Snow told her, quietly, smiling for what felt like the first time in ages. Lightning looked like she was about to give him a real piece of her mind, though. He hadn't seen her that angry since Lake Bresha. He held up his hand to stay the inevitable chewing-out for just a while longer, and his smile warmed a little when she stopped. 

"I know it's complicated. I know you feel like you gotta fix everything," Snow said, not bothering to specify what 'everything' was. "I'm just saying... thanks."

Lightning looked aside, her expression bitter. "For betraying my sister?"

Snow wished she hadn't put it that way, true as it was. Things weren't that simple, Snow wanted to tell her, and it took two to tango after all.

"For making this whole ordeal better than it could have been," Snow said firmly. He held out his hand, palm up, and hoped that she'd take it. "We'll be all right, you know."

Lightning looked at his hand as if he held a viper in it, but she looked raw and miserable that Snow just couldn't stand seeing it anymore. It was blind impulse that made him reach out and wrap his arms around her, tucking her in close under his chin. Lightning shoved against him, rigid as a board and angry as a cat, but he held on and just… was there for her. Eventually her body slackened in his arms, and he felt her suck in a trembling breath as she grabbed hold of his coat and returned his embrace just as tightly. 

"It'll be okay," Snow said, and Lightning didn't answer. 

When Barthandelus shattered what seemed to be Serah's crystal statue before his disbelieving eyes, for a moment, Snow really believed that it was retribution for his torn feelings.

###

_"I made another promise too. To protect my family. Sometimes... You've got choose!"_

Orphan's Cradle is cold and everything had gone wrong, and Snow was slumped on the ground, fully conscious but paralyzed by fal'Cie magic. Orphan had been in on it the whole time, and its power had been nothing short of overwhelming. No wonder the fal'Cie wanted a beast like Ragnarok to stop it, Snow realised with snarl that didn't show on his frozen face. And if that power was buried inside all of them, just waiting to be tapped...

_Then we can beat Orphan's magic and break these bonds!_

The realisation made hope flare up inside him, and his head snapped up just in time to see Fang swing her weapon to strike Vanille down. He flung himself at the woman, and he and Sazh caught her blow and stopped her in her tracks. Fang was far stronger than any of them alone, but together he and Sazh were able to slow her down just enough. Snow's teeth clenched.

"What do you gain from hurting Vanille? We're in this together!" Lightning, and she sounded just as angry about Fang's betrayal as he was.

"This is my Focus. No one's gonna stop me!" Fang's voice was tight and desperate and _Eden_ it was like wrestling a behemoth! His brand began to burn, hot agony suddenly roaring into his mind and then there was _nothing._

###

Cocoon hung in the sky above them, now supported by a crystal pillar that seemed so fancy there was no way it could have been made by humans. Snow tilted his head up, watching the sun's rays hit and refract off gleaming crystal. The sun was warm on his face, and they all laughed and celebrated because somehow they'd _won._ Orphan had been defeated and destroyed, but they had won and that was what counted.

Serah, Lightning, Hope, Fang, Vanille, Sazh, Dahj, the Cavalry, NORA – it seemed like everyone was okay and untouched by Barthandelus' plot. It must have been a miracle, and he wanted to laugh out loud.

Lightning stood next to him, not smiling at the pillar, at Serah or at the other l'Cie, but at _him._ Snow returned her smile easily, and impulsively he reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. She smelled of roses and warmth, and he looked up to see Serah smiling, _happy_ for them both somehow. 

He didn't understand, and then it hit him with the force of a speeding velocycle. In that instant, Snow knew that this wonderful dream was not real and that the battle with Orphan was still going on. He slowly untangled himself from Lightning, putting distance between them and regretting every inch. There was something hazy about her eyes, something not quite right. Snow leaned forward, dipping his head down and he pressed his lips against hers. 

Lightning went rigid in his arms, and with a sad smile, Snow pulled away. He brushed aside a few stray locks of hair from her face with the back of his hand, and her eyes were wide, the haze was clearing –

Snow gently released his hold, and simply told her, "Can't just hang out here, much as I want to. We've got work to do, Light."

The chains the fal'Cie had placed on him shattered, and his eyes snapped open just in time to see Fang fall.

###

Orphan fell, and then Cocoon did. It was only with the sacrifice of others that saved them in the end. Snow's brief sleep in crystal stasis was dark and confusing, filled with sounds he half recalled and flashes of half-formed memories. He remembered none of it when he awoke, only that it had been... peaceful.

When he opened his eyes to the bright Pulsian sunlight, friends were suddenly gone, ones who had nothing left to lose and everything to gain. His adopted family of l'Cie were all around him, somehow safe and awake and Snow stared up at the brilliant crystal spire in the sky. The 'other Focus' flashed vividly in his mind. 

_"It was like--I has a glimpse of the future. Everyone was smiling and laughing. Even Serah. Even Light."_

He looked over to Lightning, staring up at the spire with open wonder on her face. 

_Snow leaned forward, dipping his head down and he pressed his lips against hers._

"They did it," Lightning murmured. "They saved the world."

"No," Snow said, shaking his head and smiling slightly even as he tried to forget how the scene really looked in his dreams. No Serah, and Lightning wasn't smiling or laughing. "They gave us a new one."

"That's one gift I forgive 'em for not wrapping," Sazh said, and they all laughed a little and wondered aloud how they'd managed to come out of the ordeal with Orphan, alive and sane. It all felt so surreal, like it was another dream or another trick by the fal'Cie. Snow looked up at Cocoon again, thoughtful. 

"Does this mean we... completed our Focus?" Hope asked tentatively, and Snow nodded to himself. 

"Cocoon's seen better days, that's for sure." The place wouldn't be fit to live on for a long while, that was for sure. He didn't mind, though – it was just another job for Team NORA, another goal and another adventure. Serah, though... Serah had not come back. 

Serah had not woken up, and Snow didn't know what he was going to do. Rawness began in his throat and he looked down.

"It really is miracle," Snow heard Lightning mutter, and he wondered if she was thinking much the same as he was, if she was asking herself where her sister was and wondering how she could really go on. The brands were gone, awesome, but there was _no Serah_ and it felt like all his dreams and all his goals feel to dust in his mind. Snow stared at the ground, futile anger growing in him, and he almost missed Lightning's sharp intake of breath. Snow's gaze snapped up. 

Serah was walking across the plains, holding the hand of a kid who just had to be Dajh. _Serah._ Large as life, living and breathing and suddenly everything seemed to melt away. All he could hear was his heartbeat pounding in his ears, and he shouted her name with a sudden desperation as he ran for her. 

He swept Serah up in his arms, spinning her around and holding on tightly because _Eden_ he wasn't sure if he really believed she'd stay with him forever. He felt Serah laugh at him, press her lips against his hard and suddenly he was reminded of another time and another kiss. He froze.

_Lightning had reached up and pressed her lips to his, all hungry passion and wiry muscle under his hands. Just as quickly as it had happened, Lightning had pulled away and Snow could see the raw horror in her eyes._

The guilt hit Snow like a mallet to the jaw and his grip tightened convulsively around Serah, as if she could read his thoughts and just know how badly he'd betrayed her. Serah grabbed his hand, still smiling and still naive of what he'd done, and she led him over to where Lightning was standing. Snow couldn't look as Serah embraced her sister, his sister, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he heard Lightning murmur a broken apology. 

He had act _normal_ – show how much he loved Serah, how hard he'd fought for her sake and this happy ending – so he wrapped his arms firmly around Serah's shoulders and declared loudly,

"Hey, come on, the apologies can wait! We've got a wedding to plan! You are gonna allow it — right?"

It was a question with more than one meaning – _are we going to tell her? Are we going to ruin this moment now? Are you okay?_

Snow watched Lightning nod, even if the gesture was a little stiff and weary, and he heard Hope laugh and Sazh make a joke about going in, guns blazing. He wondered if either of them would tell Serah, or if they trusted that he'd do the right thing. 

"I swear to you, I will make her happy!" Snow told Lightning, and it was a promise to her – _don't worry. She's the only woman in my life, and I'll stick to our agreement. No more._

"I believe you," Lightning smiled at him, but it seemed forced and hollow. "Congrats."

In the celebrations that followed with Team NORA and what was left of the Cavalry, Snow did not stray far from Serah's arms and he carefully called Lightning 'Sis', as if to prove to her _(to himself)_ that that was all there was now. Lightning was carefully distant, her smile decidedly false and her eyes a little painful. He felt like he'd gained Serah only to lose Lightning, and for the thousandth time, Snow wished he wasn't in love with both of them.

When Snow stood with Lightning at the dark edge of the bonfire that night, she hadn't looked at him, and he hadn't said anything. He hadn't needed to. 

"Don't worry about me," Lightning told him in a low and almost robotic voice. "This was the plan. This was the dream. Yours, _and_ mine."

Snow's words froze in his throat as Lightning left him standing there yet again, and he wanted to tell her that sometimes, dreams changed. Instead, he held on to Serah, slipping his hand into hers and drawing comfort from her radiant smile.


	5. The Departure, the Wedding and the Adventure

Ten months after the Orphan incident, it was close to midnight and Lightning was only just trudging home from another long and exhausting shift. Cocoon's population had rallied quickly – despite her fears of retribution against the Pulsian l'Cie, or of a people so dependant on fal'Cie gifts that they lost the ability to function alone – and townships were springing up all over the face of Gran Pulse. There was always something to do, and for that Lightning was grateful. It gave her a chance to throw herself headlong into her work, and it gave her space to breathe. 

Serah was dizzyingly happy, and since waking up on Gran Pulse, she'd been full of nothing but wide smiles, affectionate hugs and excited planning. Lightning had smiled to see Serah get the life and happiness that she'd always wanted, but lately Lightning had been unable to do anything but decline Serah's company, and she knew that Serah was disappointed about it. Lightning had all the valid excuses in the world – the rebuilding process was in a shambles, the Corps needed her elsewhere, or monsters were causing chaos in an outlying post. 

Every excuse was reasonable, Lightning knew that. It didn't change the fact that Lightning was avoiding Serah, because spending time with Serah meant spending time with Snow. Snow, who was trying so hard to be a good fiancé, who was protective and loving to the point that it nearly consumed him. Snow, who was always on Lightning's mind, even when she had no right to think about him like that. Snow, who she'd somehow managed to fall in love with, in spite of how she'd fought tooth and nail against it. 

They'd been through hell together, and a part of Lightning wanted to take Snow for her own, Serah be damned. It was a small part, though, and Lightning knew she'd never be able to live with herself if she caused that wonderful smile to fade from Serah's face. 

Neither she nor Snow had found the courage to tell Serah what had happened between them, and the lies of omission fell between them like shadows. She'd fallen in love with Snow, and for her punishment she felt like she'd lost both of them. 

Lightning's jaw clenched and she picked up her pace to a jog, trying to make it home before midnight. She cleared the last of the neighbourhood quickly, and relaxed as her new home came into view. 

Serah and Snow were finally getting married, and the big day was less than two months away. Lightning tried to be happy for them, but it was too hard to listen to Serah's enthusiastic wedding plans, or Gadot's jibes at Snow about finally settling down, or Maqui's relentless chatter about "Snow Juniors". She just wanted to-

Lightning paused outside her door, her fingers tracing the note taped to it. 

_Sis-_

_Missed you again today. I thought today was going to be a day off? Must have been important! Drop by tomorrow afternoon, it's been a month and I feel like I haven't seen you in forever._

_Even Snow has asked after you!_

_-Serah_

Lightning's heart clenched painfully, and she stood outside in the cold for a few minutes longer. She didn't know what to do, because she couldn't keep avoiding her sister like she'd been doing. Serah deserved better, and Lightning had always tried to do the right thing by her. Nothing would ever move on for either her or Snow if things just remained as they were.

Lightning wet her lips and considered her options, and by the time she opened her front door, she'd decided.

###

"Lightning's gone hunter," Snow announced, striding into the Team NORA bar and slamming his palms on the table. Gadot didn't even look up as he rolled up the blueprints he'd been examining just moments prior. When Gadot rose to his feet to store the prints _and_ fix himself a cocktail (in the morning, with a pink umbrella no less), Snow knew the man was screwing with him and shot his best friend an impatient look. Gadot seated himself quickly after that.

"What do you mean, she went 'hunter'?" Gadot asked slowly, rocking back on his chair legs precariously for a moment. 

Snow threw his hands up in the air and stalked over to the window, looking out at the bustling populace of the new township. "She came by, late last night. Woke up to hear her talking to Serah. Bags were packed, Corps uniform was in the garbage, said goodbye to Serah and just _left."_

Gadot raised an eyebrow at his vehemence. "That's..."

"Crazy!" Snow exploded, whirling on Gadot and hoping that his best friend would understand situation a little. "She's gone haring off alone!"

"A lot of people do these days, you know." Gadot shrugged, toying with the fancy pink umbrella in his drink. "People want to see what’s out there." 

Despite Gadot's relaxation, Snow noticed that his eyes looked troubled, but that realization didn't help ease his issues at all. Snow spun on his heel, leaning on one arm against the window frame and feeling more frustrated than ever. He'd held it in last night, loathe to worry Serah, but now he needed to vent and Gadot's careful consideration wasn't what he wanted to hear right now!

Finally, he heard Gadot laugh softly. 

"Are you mad that she left?" Gadot asked. "Or are you just mad that she didn't invite you on the adventure?"

Snow's gaze snapped back to Gadot, and he met the man's eyes squarely. He cast his mind back to the last time he'd seen Lightning. She was dressed in travelling clothes, ones that seemed a little more comfortable than her regular uniform, and there had been a weird sort of edge to her voice and distance in her eyes.

Lightning, he'd realised at the time, was _happy_ to be leaving them. 

He had to admit that he kind of envied the things she would see out there. 

"She... said she was going to go find a way to free Fang and Vanille. She said-" Snow cut himself off, sighing. 

"What did she say?" Gadot prompted him quietly, and Snow turned to him, slowly. 

"That... a part of her was still stranded back ten months ago, back on the day Cocoon fell." Snow rubbed his face, feeling more frustrated than ever. She hadn't just been referring to Orphan or to Fang and Vanille. "Serah told Lightning to go do whatever she needed to do. She let Lightning _go."_

Serah had been hugely upset following Lightning’s departure, upset enough that she’d rejected all of Snow’s attempts at comfort, but it didn’t change the fact that Serah had given Lightning her blessings! 

"...Snow."

"Gadot, I..." Snow didn't know how to voice his concerns, only that he was worried that he'd never see her again and angry that she'd left him behind. "I need to go drag her back! We were going to be a family and-"

"Snow," Gadot cut in, his voice quiet but firm. Snow looked at him, waiting but feeling as if he needed to do something. He began to pace the empty bistro, his heart racing. He heard Gadot climb to his feet.

"One woman, remember? You're pledging yourself to Serah." Gadot stressed the name, and Snow nodded quickly and firmly. He had that much right. "The wedding day is less than two months away, you can't go around thinking about Lightning now."

"I know. I just..." Snow stopped his pacing, burying his face in his hands as Gadot gently gripped his shoulder. Gadot knew it all, even without having been told, but Gadot had always known Snow that well. "Why did this happen?"

"Your heart's too big?" Gadot tried, his grip tightening reassuringly for a moment. Snow laughed, but only because it was true. He loved them both, and by doing that he'd done both Serah and Lightning so much wrong. He really hadn't learned from his mistakes with Hope's mother, had he?

"I should tell her... shouldn't I?" Snow asked softly. He didn't know _how_ to tell Serah, though. The idea of seeing her hope and love fade from her eyes, all because of _him,_ was more than he could bear. He pulled out a chair at one of the tables stiffly, slumping down in it and cradling his face in his arms for a moment. He heard Gadot take the chair next to him, and they both sat in silence for a few minutes as they processed their chat. 

Finally, Gadot sighed and said, "You are doing her wrong by not telling her your doubts. You know that she loves you."

"And I love her." Snow suddenly smiled, and he watched Gadot nod thoughtfully to himself. Snow grabbed Gadot's mixed drink and look a sip, wincing at the sweetness. "And they aren't exactly doubts... I _know_ that I want this. The wedding, the kids, the whole shebang. I'll get over Lightning. Maybe..." Snow took a deep breath. "Maybe it was a good thing she left for a while."

Gadot continued to study Snow for a moment, and then shrugged. "I just want you to be happy, Snow. I want _everyone_ to be happy. Just remember that."

###

Snow nervously straightened his tie (blue to match his eyes, Serah had told him and Snow had felt like his heart would burst with happiness) for what was probably the tenth time that hour. He patted down his hair again for good measure, trying to ignore the voice that kept reminding him, _today is the big day._ In just over an hour, his dreams would really come true and all his fighting would have been worth it.

The wedding was perfect – a ceremony on the beach with just close friends and adopted family, seeming to be right out of the fairytales Snow had loved as a child – and the weather couldn’t have been more perfect. Lebreau had gone on at length about how gorgeous Serah had looked in her wedding dress. Maybe that was what was making Snow freak out so much about this whole thing – he felt like he was the only not-perfect thing there. 

If she were there with him, Serah would have swatted him for being so upset about it. She would have told him that he was the one she agreed to marry, notions of perfection be damned. Then Serah would have gone back to stressing about the wedding, because she’d been so on edge these past couple of months. Snow had let her do her thing, because the last time he’d tried to help out – red roses for decoration – Serah and Lebreau had carefully ignored his colour-clashing input.

All the panic and short fuses would see their payoff, soon, and maybe then Serah would smile a little more. 

Snow leaned forward into the mirror again, fiddling with his tie, brushing off his suit that felt a little too tight around the chest and shoulders, and he wished that the part with the uncomfortable clothing was over already. He missed his bandanna, his _boots,_ and he sighed. Today was the day, and he was worried about how uncomfortable his clothes were. 

How was he supposed to feel? Excited? Sure. Nervous? You bet. Wondering what Lightning was doing out there, and wishing that she was there with him, to help take the edge off his fears with a few well-placed words? Snow was pretty sure that wasn’t what he was meant to be thinking about, but he _was._

After being l'Cie and beating the Focus, everything was supposed to have been perfect. He should have felt _more_ affirmed in his mind in his love for Serah, not more confused than ever before. The old storybooks back at the orphanage never mentioned this, stuff like conflicted heroes or of trying to do the right thing but always managing to screw it up. 

He wet his lips, staring at himself in the mirror, all clean-shaven with his hair slicked back and suited up, and he didn't want to look too hard at those feelings that might be saying, you don’t really want this, because that was just stupid and _wrong._ Snow wished that Gadot had stuck around. He could have used the company to take his mind off of things _(Lightning, adventure)_ and to help get him psyched up to catch that long-yearned for dream. 

Shaking his head, Snow left the dressing room of the tiny beach house they'd borrowed for the wedding. He needed some fresh air, maybe that would help him think…

He sighed in relief as the cool sea breeze hit him as he opened the door, and the smell of the salt eased him a little. He didn't go to the front of the beach house, to where he could see Team NORA and the rest setting up the seats for the ceremony. Instead, he slipped around the back to where he could see the rest of New Bodhum, and leaned over the wooden railings. 

From here, he could see the towering mountains and jungle beyond the town's limits, where old skyscrapers had once towered above but had long since fallen to nature. In the distance, he could see a crumbling old watchtower, and he wondered what the view would be like from atop that thing. Probably much the same as the view from Bahamut's back, Snow decided with a small smile, and he remembered the feeling of adrenaline and Lightning's hand in his.

There was no reason for him to feel like this. If he married Serah, it didn't suddenly mean that he couldn't leave New Bodhum to see the views from that watchtower, or that Serah wouldn't be able or willing to come with him. He didn't understand why he felt like he did.

Snow jumped a little as he heard a quiet knock come from behind him, and he looked over his shoulder. 

It was Serah, and Lebreau hadn't been kidding around – she looked absolutely breathtaking in her dress. Snow felt his heart swell a little in pride, and he turned to her with a smile. She threw herself into his arms, and he caught her easily. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, tucking her under his chin and enjoying the sudden warmth.

"Hey," he said quietly, lulled by the scent of her perfume. "Isn't it bad luck for me to-"

Her shoulders shook in what was unmistakably a sob, and Snow felt his heart turn to ice in alarm. 

"Serah?" he asked, holding her shoulders and pushing her back a little so he could see her face. Her eyes were suddenly very red, and her makeup had started to run. Something was very, very wrong, and Snow had an idea of what it was. 

"Snow." Serah's voice was almost pleading as she looked up at him, and with a clarity that felt much like a kick in the ribs, Snow realized that she knew the whole thing. Lightning, him, the kiss on the _Lindblum_ and everything that had come after – Serah had figured it out or she'd been told, it could have gone down either way, but it hardly mattered. 

"Yeah." Snow tried to smile and instead he felt like breaking down and crying, because just over a year ago this whole situation would have been impossible. "It was an accident. Nothing really happened, not _really-"_

"It doesn't matter, Snow," Serah cut in, and her voice sounded strangled. She turned away from him, wiping furiously at her eyes. "It's just as _bad."_

Snow didn't know what to say, but he had to say something that could avert whatever horrible conclusion Serah had reached. 

"But –" Snow started, but he remembered Lightning's words back before Orphan, just before the fight with the cryohedrons. _What you're doing, Snow, is even worse._ He'd been unable to let the feelings behind the kiss go, even with Serah at his side and a wedding in the works. Unlike a real hero, he'd been unable to stay true to his love. He couldn't bear to look at her.

"I'm sorry," Snow whispered, leaning against the wooden rail and staring at the sand below. "I know that doesn't make it better, and it won't ever make it better, but I am sorry."

"I know." Serah's words surprised him, and he turned around to stare. She moved forward jerkily, catching his hand and holding it gently. "When Lightning told me, I was so _angry_ at you both."

"Serah…" Snow said, gritting his teeth. The low conversation he'd woken up to the night Lightning left came to mind. Serah had known for that long?

"Then Lightning said she was leaving, so that we could have a real shot." Serah's voice choked up, and her shoulders began to shake. She took a few unsteady gulps of air, and her grip tightened on Snow's hand. "My sister was _leaving,_ and all I could think about after she was gone was everything she'd done for me. It didn't make it right, what she did, but… it didn’t have to be this way. She didn’t have to _leave…"_

Snow took Serah into his arms, tucking her in close and letting her cry against him. He didn't say anything, because there was nothing he _could_ say. After a few minutes, Serah's sobs died down and she sucked in another breath.

"I wanted her here, today, more than anyone else. I hoped she'd come back…" Serah murmured, and then she pushed herself away from Snow's loose embrace. She wiped her hand across her eyes, not seeming to mind that she'd ruined her makeup. Snow wanted to tell her that it would be okay, but he stayed quiet. When he'd caused so much damage, what right did he have to tell her that?

Serah watched him for a long moment, and then sighed. "Snow. This… isn't going to work."

Snow stared at her, feeling frozen inside. "Serah?"

"I love you. More than _anything_ in this world." The way she smiled at him, as if she was absolutely destroyed but still so genuine, convinced Snow of the truth in her words. "But more than that, I want you to be happy. I want _us_ to be happy. And you're _not._ I hoped that we could be, I tried to give it a chance… but Gadot is right and you need to do what your heart is telling you." Serah began to cry again, and Snow reached out for her uselessly.

"My heart is telling me that it loves _you,"_ he whispered harshly, still unable to believe it was really happening and that he and Serah were ending things on the day of their wedding. 

"But not just me… and I'm not going to be some consolation prize or play second when your heart is also somewhere else."

"It wouldn't have to be like that!"

"But it _is,_ Snow." Serah took another, sobbing breath, as if to galvanise herself. "But it is. You love me, but you also love Lightning." 

She took his hand slowly, and the engagement necklace he'd given her so long ago pooled in his fingers. Snow felt his heart break as his fingers closed convulsively around the necklace, and his eyes felt raw and his throat was tight. 

"You need to go find her. Bring her home. For you, and for me." Serah tried to smile for him, and he loved her so fiercely for it. Snow swooped her up in his arms and embraced her hard, dipping his head down to kiss her cheek. Serah hugged him back, so hard it was almost bruising, and she whispered against his ear, "Get going."

Snow nodded stiffly, setting her down and loathing to just leave her when her eyes were so red and her breath was so shaky, but in the end he jumped over the rails of the veranda and onto the sand. As he began to make his way back home, Snow paused when he spotted Gadot leaning against the side of the beach house, and the man's eyes were wary.

Gadot had spoken with Serah, and Gadot was the reason the wedding had fallen apart. Gadot was also the reason Serah had told him to go. Snow wasn't sure if he should thank his friend or cuss him out at this point, but nothing was to be gained for doing either, so he simply nodded to his best friend. 

"I'm going to go get Lightning back," Snow told Gadot, and he laughed at how good it felt to say that. "You'll take care of things here, right?"

Gadot smiled, lifting his arm and clenching it into a fist. "You gotcha."

In the end, Serah had been a better person than both Snow and Lightning, and she had ended this cycle of pain – somehow, he wasn't surprised one bit by that revelation.

###

Snow continued to trudge through the grass, doggedly looking ahead and trying not to think of the new blisters he'd picked up that day. 

Lightning had only had two month's start on him, but after another year's wandering through Gran Pulse's wilderness, Snow still hadn't managed to track her down. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack, or a Farron in a Bodhum sunset – he laughed to himself and added that to his list of awful jokes to tell to Lightning when he finally found her.

Fortunately, according to the small group of lobo hunters he'd spoken with earlier that day, he was actually on the right path now. 

"Pink hair? Warrior's band? Attitude like an angry behemoth?" the leader of the hunting party had asked, as he'd let Snow help himself to the fire-cooked meat they were eating. Snow had nodded quickly, refraining from going on and on about Lightning's good points, and the hunters had all laughed. 

"Headed west, for the Jollymont Hills. How long have you been tracking her, son?"

"About a year," Snow had said, and the hunters had all groaned and asked him if he knew the first thing about tracking and hunting. Of course, Snow had managed to pick up a little over the past year, but he was no Fang or Vanille even at the best of times. 

Still, Snow had left the hunters with a full belly and a better idea of where he was heading, so it was pretty much benefits all around. The feeling of elation had begun to fade now, though, because the sky above him began to darken and grow heavy with rain. In the silence of the wilderness, Snow could hear the thunder beginning to rumble.

Snow's look soured as the first raindrop hit the earth next to him. Another soggy night with very little sleep was not something that he looked forward to, and he looked around the grassy plains about him for some sort of shelter. There would be nothing until he reached the cliffs in the distance - the rain set in quickly as he trudged onwards. 

As Snow squinted into the distance, though the rain and the darkening light, he thought he saw the flicker of fire over near the cliffs. Snow's breath froze in his throat, and he broke into a run because was that the outline of a cave he saw? A cave would be a thousand times awesome, as if might give his coat a chance to dry over-night and - 

There really _was_ light, and he almost didn't dare hope, but there was only one person this side of the plains and he could see her near the fire now.

"LIGHT! LIGHTNING!" Snow roared over the rain as he closed in on the cave. 

He saw her jump up and look right at him, and she seemed frozen in place. Snow kicked his run up a notch, and didn’t stop until he skidded to a halt in front of her cave, nearly falling on his ass as he reached her. 

It had been so _long_ – Lightning was thinner than he remembered, and that red cape was nothing more than a tattered red scarf she'd tied around her mouth to keep the cold away. He didn't care, because she was the most beautiful thing he's seen in a whole year and nothing could change that.

Except for the utterly _livid_ expression on Lightning's face, of course, and Snow had just enough time to wince. 

"You _promised_ me!" Lightning spat at him hoarsely, striding forward and shoving him hard. The rain had started to soak into her clothes and hair, but she didn’t seem to care. "You promised me you wouldn't hurt her!"

"I know." Snow met her eyes, grinning at her anger and at the threatening way her hands had curled into fists. His expression grew a little more serious, and he told her quietly, "This… was Serah's idea."

Lightning froze in her advance, her eyes snapping up to his. Her silent demand was obvious, and Snow spread his hands as he stepped forward. 

"Serah told me to come get you, and bring you home," he told her, and Lightning wrapped her arms around herself.

"Even after knowing what we did?" she asked softly, and Snow could barely hear her over the rain. Lightning sounded like she _wanted_ to believe his words were true, but couldn't understand how they could be. Snow's heart bled a little, and he wondered how hard it had been on her, thinking that all this time people had been _glad_ she was gone. 

"Better than just leaving her forever, like you did." Snow smiled, trying to soften his words as he held out a hand. "I thought you knew her better than that. She wants you to come home. She… is okay with it."

Lightning ignored the hand in favour of simply glaring at him. "I find that hard to believe."

"Maybe not right now," Snow agreed, not letting her angry defensiveness sway him. "But I know that she will be. Is it really that surprising that she's a better person than the both of us?"

Lightning looked bitterly off to the side, her jaw set and looking more miserable than ever before. "I wish it hadn't happened."

"I don't."

Frowning, Lightning's eyes snapped up to his in askance. Sure, her kissing him had changed the story he'd imagined for his life, and things had ceased to be as simple as the storybook heroes he'd always idolised. Back before, it had caused him grief, but he would never regret his feelings – for either Serah or Lightning. So he said the first thing that came to mind, and it was as true at that moment as it had been just after the cryohedrons. 

"I love you," he told her, and Lightning's answering gaze was as angry and flat as he'd expected.

"You don't love me," Lightning scoffed. "You scarcely know me."

Snow looked at her steadily, and refused to let his smile waver. Anyone else might have missed the hidden question in that statement – _really?_

"I really do," he told her, and when her anger began to falter he knew it had been the right thing to say. She turned away from him, as if she couldn't take seeing him anymore. 

"You can't be here, I just – I _need-"_ Lightning was saying roughly as the thunder rolled overhead, and Snow darted forward and caught her hand. He felt her freeze, her entire body going rigid in a way that was all too familiar. He had to somehow make her see that it was okay, if only she'd just let it be.

"I want to be here. And unless you specifically _don't_ want me here… I'm staying." Snow squeezed her hand reassuringly, and the grip that returned really _was_ bruising. Was that a small tremor? "Since I'm staying, and you don't want me to go…" Snow swallowed thickly. "You gonna invite me in or not? The rain is a pretty big downer."

He heard Lightning take a deep breath, and he wondered if she was going to yell at him again. 

"First thing is first," Lightning said suddenly. She turned around quicker than Snow thought possible, twisting one hand in his coat and using her other to tug him down. She rose up to meet his lips, and her kiss was fierce and demanding – just the way he'd imagined it since the _Lindblum._ The kiss was both hot from the intensity and cold from the rain, and it was too short for his liking but _enough._ Lightning released him with a sigh. Her eyes were closed, a small smile on her lips – an _almost-smile,_ Snow noted with a small hint of ire. He hadn't come all this way for an almost-smile. 

"Do you know how hard it was to find you?" Snow asked, still a little breathless. "It was like finding a Farron in a Bodhum beach sunset!"

Lightning stared at him for a moment, before she began to laugh. Snow thought he felt a tremor run through him as Lightning reached up to kiss him again, and he knew that no matter what was waiting for them when he got them back home, they had _this_ and it was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an absolute blast to write, and I'd like to thank my lovely recip for her brilliant prompts. As you can see, they really captured my imagination!
> 
> If you'd like updates as to current projects or just want to chat, feel free to come visit me on my tumblr: [zerrat](http://zerrat.tumblr.com/) (personal) and [zerratwritesstuff](http://zerratwritesstuff.tumblr.com) (writing)!


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